Note from the Editor: Chelveston finally agreed to learn English and so I let him interview real people. Those other people he interviewed were real too, but in the sense that they were fake. - Kenny B
CHELVESTON: First off, where’d you get those skinny girlie legs?
MITCH: I actually stole them off a small paralympian woman who didn’t need them anymore.
CHELVESTON: It’s obvious from your act that you’re addicted to porn. Are your parents proud of the fact that you’ve turned your addiction into something that makes people laugh?
MITCH: Well my parents gave me two addictions to pick from. They said I could be addicted to porn or heroin. Tried the heroin but it didn’t really make me very productive in comedy.
CHELVESTON: Brits are known for having bad teeth, but yours are pretty normal? Are you ashamed of being different?
MITCH: I was actually bullied for awhile about it. I would purposely punch myself repeatedly in the face but they never budged. I felt the same way I imagine American entertainers who are not sexual deviants feel in the current climate. (Chelv: Touche!)
CHELVESTON: You’ve done standup at a place called Funny Feckers. Do you agree with me that good spelling is important and therefore you should never gig there again because they obviously can’t spell?
MITCH: I cinpletey agreeeeeeeee wiht yu. Spllng is incredbyl inpotance in comdy.
CHELVESTON: What’s your shoe size and why?
MITCH: I’m actuallly a size 11. So when I stole the legs off that Paralympian, they didn’t come with the feet so I had to get them separately.
CHELVESTON: Finally, is there a question you wished I’d asked? Just tell me the question. Don’t answer it.
MITCH: I wish you had asked me if I renounce Satan and all his works? To be honest mate, I’m a little disappointed you didn’t.
Mitchell Stocker is a comedian and filmmaker born and working in London, UK. He is a graduate of the University of Hertfordshire where he studied Film and Television. He is a regular stand-up at Funny Feckers in Camden, Comedy Virgins in Stockwell and Nice ‘N’ Spiky Comedy in Islington. When not doing stand-up he enjoys writing and questioning his own existence. You can find him on Twitter at @StockerMitchell and here are links to some of his previous stand up sets: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hC8iC1w_cV4 & https://youtu.be/MyI8FaMwgv