Note from the Editor: Chelveston finally agreed to learn English and so I let him interview real people. Those other people he interviewed were real too, but in the sense that they were fake. In his first real person interview, Chelveston spoke with Nick Mataragas who stuck his neck out for this because as you'll see, the Chelvster is no pushover. Neither is Nick! - Kenny B
CHELVESTON: First off, where’d you get those skinny girlie legs?
MITCH: I actually stole them off a small paralympian woman who didn’t need them anymore.
CHELVESTON: It’s obvious from your act that you’re addicted to porn. Are your parents proud of the fact that you’ve turned your addiction into something that makes people laugh?
MITCH: Well my parents gave me two addictions to pick from. They said I could be addicted to porn or heroin. Tried the heroin but it didn’t really make me very productive in comedy.
CHELVESTON: Brits are known for having bad teeth, but yours are pretty normal? Are you ashamed of being different?
MITCH: I was actually bullied for awhile about it. I would purposely punch myself repeatedly in the face but they never budged. I felt the same way I imagine American entertainers who are not sexual deviants feel in the current climate. (Chelv: Touche!)
CHELVESTON: You’ve done standup at a place called Funny Feckers. Do you agree with me that good spelling is important and therefore you should never gig there again because they obviously can’t spell?
MITCH: I cinpletey agreeeeeeeee wiht yu. Spllng is incredbyl inpotance in comdy.
CHELVESTON: What’s your shoe size and why?
NICK: I’m actuallly a size 11. So when I stole the legs off that Paralympian, they didn’t come with the feet so I had to get them separately.
CHELVESTON: Finally, is there a question you wished I’d asked? Just tell me the question. Don’t answer it.
MITCH: I wish you had asked me if I renounce Satan and all his works? To be honest mate, I’m a little disappointed you didn’t.
Mitchell Stocker is a comedian and filmmaker born and working in London, UK. He is a graduate of the University of Hertfordshire where he studied Film and Television. He is a regular stand-up at Funny Feckers in Camden, Comedy Virgins in Stockwell and Nice ‘N’ Spiky Comedy in Islington. When not doing stand-up he enjoys writing and questioning his own existence. You can find him on Twitter at @StockerMitchell and here are links to some of his previous stand up sets: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hC8iC1w_cV4 & https://youtu.be/MyI8FaMwgv